Phone Sex, FaceTime Sex and Sexting Tips

Life has a nasty habit of getting in the way of us seeing our partner – but why should that stop us from having sex with them? Yes, you heard us – if you have hands, a phone (and maybe some toys too), then there’s no need to cut the sexual side out of your relationship.

And, while we’re here, it doesn’t have to stop us having a date either. Take a look at our guide to virtual dating for some of our favourite ideas.

So, if you haven’t had phone sex before, or you want to brush up on your skills, here are our top tips…

Phone Sex: Getting started

First things first – phone sex, FaceTime sex and sexting are just the same as physical sex in that they require trust, communication and consent. Don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable with, or ask anyone to do something you don’t know for sure they’re comfortable with. It’s not cool, so don’t do it.

If you’re happy with that, and you trust the person with what you’re about to give them – details of your personal desires or fantasies, possibly photos or videos – and you know for sure they’re safe, then go for it. We don’t want to discourage you from having fun, but we’re here to look out for you!

Setting the scene

It could get awkward if one of you suddenly launches into sexy chat without warning, so build up to it. If you’re thinking you might have phone sex later, start with some cheeky texts during the day to test the waters and get their mind racing, building up to suggesting you carry this on over the phone this evening, maybe getting an idea of the best time for both of you to be free without interruption.

This way you can prepare yourself:

  • Make sure your phone (or toys!) are charged
  • Tidy your room if it’ll be seen
  • Get the lighting right if you’re going to see each other on video or photos
  • Slip into something that gets you in the mood. Yes you can do this in your sweatpants over the phone and they’d never know, but something about wearing a sexy chemise or some gorgeous lingerie can make a big difference to your mood
  • Light a candle with sensual scents, like bergamot

What to say during phone sex

Ok, this is entirely personal to you and your relationship – you might tend to joke about things or let the conversation stray into more flirty or cheeky realms. Or you might dive straight in. As long as you’re both happy, go for it.

If this is your first time, or your first time with this partner, think about the words you might use. Something that’s a big turn on to one person might be offensive to someone else – it’s a very personal thing. For example – ‘pussy’ seems to be widely used, whereas the C-word could have stronger reactions – in both ways…

Pay attention to what they say (in normal life as well as during intimate moments), and if you’re ok with that, mirror it back to them as it gives you an accurate idea of the words they’re comfortable with. You can ask them to describe things too, for example ‘what would you like me to do to you?’ gives them free rein to use words to describe parts of their body, which you can then use back when you say what you’d like to do them. In exactly the same way, you can set the tone by describing what you’d like them to do to you, making clear that you like to use certain words.

Remember your English lessons?

You’re going to need a lot of adjectives here too – they allow you to describe things in detail, and using more than one can help too, such as ‘my hot, wet, smooth…’ (you get the gist). It’s another very personal choice - and what you say at the beginning of the phone sex might end up changing towards the end as things get hotter. Think about all your senses and use your words to describe everything you’re feeling, touching, tasting, smelling, hearing… make it as immersive as you can for them, as if they’re really there with you.

Think about your ‘script’

Spend the day thinking about your sexual fantasies and describe them to yourself – how will you say it when you do talk to each other? Having these fresh in your mind can help things flow better when you’re having phone sex or FaceTime sex, rather than going blank

Be clear

If something is going in a direction you’re not happy with – such as talking about something you’re not comfortable with – speaking up is just as important as it is in physical sex. You can steer the conversation away to something you’re more comfortable with, maybe saying ‘you know what I’d rather do…?’ or ‘I’m not ok with that, can we talk about something else, like…?’. Ultimately you have control here and, as we’ve said before, consent is still just as relevant here.

Don’t fake it

Yes, it’s easier to do on the phone, but still don’t do it… Like in physical sex, you won’t always have an orgasm at the same time, or at all. And that’s ok! Whoever comes first can really focus on getting the other one there.

Make sure there’s time to chat too afterwards, don’t just hit it and quit it – enjoy that afterglow and talk about what you enjoyed about it.

WARNING: Remember that rush of serotonin after an orgasm CAN make people (both men and women) sleepy though – so be prepared to stay awake, maybe with a cold drink, sitting up in bed or opening a window. Being caught snoring when having phone sex is just as much a faux pas as it is when they’re next to you…

And talk about it

Take some time to reflect after the event, and make sure you talk about it as a couple. It doesn’t have to feel like a formal debrief, but it’s good to say something like ‘last night was fun, I really liked…’ or ‘You know what I’d love next time…?

What were your favourite parts?

What might you do differently next time?

Are there any boundaries you want to put in place?

And – hopefully – when are we doing it again??

Each one of us will do this differently, so make sure you take time to align with your partner, only do things you’re comfortable with – and have fun! You’ll get better at it every time you do it, so if you have time on your hands…have fun!

Love Team AS x