How to Deal with Different Sex Drives

We all know sex can be a difficult topic to talk about, especially with our partners. But we mustn’t underestimate how valuable communication is when it comes to having a more fulfilled sex life. Being able to talk openly about your wants and needs in the bedroom allows great opportunity to align with one another and be honest about your own sexual desires, as sexual desire, or sex drive, can look very different for everyone. So, let’s break the taboo and talk about the real difficulties of having a mismatched sex drive in a relationship!

What Is Libido?

Libido, also known as sex drive, ultimately refers to a person’s level of desire to take part in sexual activity and the amount of desire we feel can be different for every individual. Your sexual appetite can be influenced by various factors, from biological, psychological, or even social, which is why it is common for people in a relationship to experience different sex drives to one-another.

What Affects Sex Drive?

There are so many factors that can influence high or low sex drive, or even no sex drive at all. But in reality, what is a normal libido? There is no right or wrong level of libido, it all falls down each individual and their own preference, some people may have the desire for sex daily, whilst for others it may be once every month or more. Your libido is distinctive to you, so only you know whether your sex drive is feeling lower or higher than usual.

So, you may be wondering ‘why have I lost my sex drive?’ - whilst mental health, lifestyle factors and side effects of medication can all lead to loss of sex drive, the reasons can also vary between genders. We have listed some of the most common causes:

Loss of Sex Drive in Women

  • Menopause
  • Change in hormone levels from pregnancy or childbirth
  • Infections (UTIs or thrush)
  • Dyspareunia/painful sex

Loss of Sex Drive in Men

  • Changes in hormones
  • Erectile dysfunction
  • Low testosterone
  • Premature ejaculation

Regardless of gender, it is completely common for people’s sex drive to fluctuate, as we tend to go through periods in life where we experience more stress than usual, or times when we aren’t feeling ourselves. But it can be difficult when you and your partner’s sexual desires are completely out of sync, so we have put together some tips on how to cope with different libidos.

How to Deal with Mismatched Libidos

Whether you’re struggling with a high libido, or low libido, it is something that can have a huge impact on a relationship and put a lot of pressure on both partners. It can cause what is known as desire discrepancy, where the partner with the high sex drive feels rejected or unwanted by their partner, whilst the partner with a lower sex drive feels guilty for not being in the mood for sexually intimacy. But it certainly doesn’t have to damage a relationship, in fact, managing it can be something that brings you closer together and helps you better understand one another, which important for any healthy relationship. Below are our three top tips to help you strengthen your sexual connection and work on the chemistry between you and your partner.

#1 Be Honest: Talk To Your Partner

The first and probably most important point – talk to your partner. As uncomfortable as it may be, opening up and making sure your partner is aware of how you feel is the stepping-stone to working on things together. Addressing concerns about the gap between yours and your partners sex drive, can be the best way to help you both understand what may be causing the issue and allows you to act on it as a team. You should never underestimate how much of a weight can be lifted off your shoulders just by communicating with your partner, that alone can positively influence your connection with one another.

#2 Make Time For Each other

Life can be hectic and when you have a busy schedule, sex can be one of the first things to drop off priority list. So, strip things back a little and set time aside just to enjoy one another’s company. Whether it be going out for a nice walk, lunch at a special restaurant, a movie night in or simply a cuddle on an evening, by taking the time to be around each other you’re showing appreciation for them which can be just as valuable as having sexual intercourse.

#3 Ask For Help

Having a mismatched sex drive is something that is complex, as it can be due to a countless number of reasons. Which is why it can be beneficial for couples to seek help from a sexual therapist, a sexual therapist can offer insight into areas or issues that couples may not be aware of and provide solid solutions to improve your sex life. Asking for help is something we should never be ashamed of and can be one of the best ways to help you understand each other’s love language.

How to Increase Sex Drive

If visiting a sexual therapist is slightly out of your comfort zone, there are other things you can do to help increase libido. Understanding how to improve sex drive will give you and your partner the knowledge and opportunity to work on building on the sexual intimacy between you. The most common causes of high sex drive in both men and women, are changes in hormones and an increase in exercise. So, when trying to increase a lower libido it is important to improve factors such as lifestyle, such as regularly exercising, lowering your alcohol intake and ensuring you get plenty of sleep. These lifestyle changes can also help influence the psychological factors by improving your self-esteem, reducing stress and anxiety. It has also been said there are foods that increase sex drive, such as chocolate, nuts and bananas!

From how to boost sex drive to how to manage your out of sync libidos and what may be impacting it, we hope that this information will help you get closer to one another and really take the time to appreciate how important it is to have a healthy relationship and a healthy sex life!