The Ann Summers Guide to Bondage & Restraints

If you're looking to add a little spice to the bedroom and you love the fantasy of being tied up, this is your definitive guide to doing it safely, consensually, and in a way that's erotic and fun for you and your partner. Below you'll find best practices, the best tools for the job, and how to stay safe while still having fun.

What restraints are best for beginners?

The best restraints for beginners are the ones that are comfortable for how long you want to play. Velcro fabric cuffs, leather cuffs, under bed restraints and blindfolds are great starting points because they're comfortable enough for longer play. Metal handcuffs and bondage tape are fun for fantasy but keep them to short bursts.

Before you get tied up

When you're starting off with bondage, the number one thing you want to do is make sure that you have discussed it with your partner beforehand, and don't just dive straight in. A big mistake that people make is buying toys they've never even checked in with their partner about. Have some time to look over them, practise with them, and look at some of our guides about how to use them.
Practising putting restraints on and taking them off. It's a good safety practice but it also helps you create an erotic moment when you're playing with your partner. If it's all a bit awkward and you don't know how to get it on, you don't know how to get it off, it really kills the mood.
Check your gear before use, and if it's been well loved, make sure it's not breaking in any way. It's always worthwhile being aware of any health conditions your partner has. Anyone with circulation issues or heart issues should take extra care and just be a little bit more thoughtful about what you're doing and keep checking in with each other.
I also really recommend playing sober. Alcohol and substances dull pain, and pain is the body's way of saying that something has gone too far. When anything is impacting the body, you want to be very present for what you're doing.

Bring a friend

BDSM is a bring a friend activity. It's not something you want to do by yourself. You do not want to tie yourself up; you need somebody there to help you. Just like you wouldn't leave somebody alone in a room, you shouldn't be alone in the room when you're doing anything with restraints, or anything higher risk.

Safe words: your hard stop

Safe words are essential when you're going to be playing with anything in bondage, or anything at all that's new to you, so that both of you feel like you have a hard stop. For those of you who've never heard of a safe word, a safe word is a single word that stops all play. If you're the one who is leading, or in the more dominant position, it means you stop all play and check in with your partner. If you're the one following, or in the traditionally submissive position, it means you know that at any point you can put a stop on things and make sure you're feeling okay. It's both partners' responsibility to be open and honest about how they're feeling and to communicate well.
Your safe word should be something you wouldn't say as part of the scene, because words like "no" and "stop" can sometimes be part of the play. Mercy or red are quite classic words within the BDSM scene.
It's also nice to have a way to say "carry on" as well as "stop". Some people like to use the traffic light system: green is good, yellow is getting to the edge, and red is stop. Some people find the traffic light system isn't super erotic, so you can create your own words and make it a creative process too. Have a way to communicate that you want something to stop immediately. You also want a non-verbal safety signal. That can be a hand signal or holding a ball and dropping it on the floor if at any point you need to come out of position. This is important for things like gags, where somebody is unable to communicate, or if they're facing away from you and you can't read their body language or hear them clearly.

Keeping it safe and sexy

You should always be able to fit two fingers underneath any restraint, whether it's on the wrists, ankles or neck. Anything too tight risks cutting off circulation.
Stop immediately if hands or feet are tingling, if arms are falling asleep, if there's any blue coming into the hands or feet, or if anything hurts in a way that feels uncomfortable and unpleasant. There's good pain too, but not in this sense. You should never be blocking airways. Don't put restraints over joints like elbows and knees, or anywhere you could tweak a joint. Never leave a restrained partner alone in a room. Keep safety scissors nearby so that you can always get out.
It's good practice to check in with your bound partner every 20 minutes or so to see that they're still enjoying themselves.

Finding your perfect restraint

It's not really about beginner versus advanced. Everything in the range is all-level, it's more about comfort and how long you're going to be playing. If you want to be doing something for a long period of time, invest in something that's going to be a bit more comfortable. If you're doing something short, or it fills a very particular fantasy for you, that's great too.
The best restraint is the one you know how to use, in a material that is appropriate for what you're trying to do. Then think about whether your body can do the things you're asking of it. Use the correct tool for the job at hand, which is the one that works for you, your partner, and your body.

Fluffy and metal cuffs: pure fantasy

Fluffy and metal handcuffs are more of a novelty factor. They're great for fantasy and definitely spice things up, but they aren't appropriate for long periods of play. Metal cuffs can ratchet tighter, and that can cause nerve pinching, which is not something you want. Keep them to five or ten minutes, fifteen minutes max, and then move on to something else if you want longer, dedicated play.

Satin ties

Satin ties are lovely, but you need to be careful about how you tie them. Don't tie them too tight around the wrists or ankles, because that can cut off circulation.

Velcro fabric vs leather cuffs

Fabric cuffs are good for longer wear because they're Velcro, so they're easy to get in and out of very quickly. Great for all levels. Leather cuffs are a bit more sturdy and, along with our Velcro cuffs, are going to be great for all levels.

Under bed restraints

Under bed restraints are suitable for all levels of play. What you want is to be as comfortable as you can be, so you can focus on the playtime, and the restraint helps you focus on all the other enjoyable things going on in the bedroom.

Door restraints

With anything where your arms are above your head while standing, like our door restraints, you generally want about a 15 minute limit. When your arms are above your heart, the heart has to work extra hard to pump the blood. When you come off the door restraint and your hands come down, people can begin to feel a bit dizzy and faint. So remember to come off, move around and do different things in between.

Spreader bars: on last, off first

Spreader bars can be really fun and exciting. You can use them seated, lying on a bed, or standing with our door restraints. If you're using them standing with door restraints, make sure you put the spreader bar on last and take it off first. Otherwise somebody is just going to face plant, and that will not make for a particularly sexy moment. If somebody is seated, the same thing goes: take the spreader bar off before you expect them to get up and walk around. Whatever position you're in, just keep your partner's safety in mind.

Hog ties and behind-the-back restraints

With hog ties and behind-the-back restraints, you really want to make sure it's going to be comfortable for your body. If you don't have the flexibility, it's lovely that you've got the fantasy, but you're just not going to be able to do it.
Lying face down with your wrists and ankles behind you can make breathing harder, so it carries a slightly higher risk. Check in more often and make sure it's a comfortable position for them. Prop your partner up with some pillows or a sex wedge so they're not completely face down in the bed, which also helps you communicate with each other.

Bondage tape

Bondage tape is great, but it can go too tight around the wrists or ankles. You wouldn't want it on for an hour; take it off within about 20 minutes and move on to something else. Always make sure you can get two fingers underneath and that nothing is turning blue.

Rope

Rope is more of an advanced tool to use, because tying it properly without cutting off circulation and being able to do quick releases takes practice. Making sure you've got your safety scissors around is super important.

Blindfolds

Blindfolds are a wonderful layer to add to bondage, and we've got a lovely selection. Satin ones, easy ones to tie, and leather ones. Choose the one that suits what you're looking for. Is it the aesthetic, because it fills a fantasy for you? Or is it the feeling, taking away your sight so you can focus in on other sensations? Is comfort more important to you, aesthetics, or all the above?

Collars and leads

Collars follow the same two-finger rule. Never pull on the lead from behind, as there's a risk of choking.

Step away from the duct tape

Buy things that are appropriate specifically for the task at hand. Household items like duct tape, garden rope or sports rope aren't made for bodies. Duct tape is an industrial adhesive that will sting coming off and take hair with it, and household rope is tough and coarse on the skin. If tape or rope is your fantasy, go for proper bondage tape, which only sticks to itself, or soft bondage rope.

Aftercare

Aftercare is how you like to be cared for after having sex. For some people, that will be a kiss and a cuddle. For other people, that will be talking about what you've just done. For some people, that will be having a bit of alone time to process. Everybody is different.
Aftercare is important, and it's something to discuss with your partner. Assuming someone wants the same thing as you is never the best way to go. Check in with what would feel good for your partner, and don't feel offended if somebody isn't into the same thing that you are. We all have different ways of processing things, so try to find a compromise so that both people feel loved and supported after your fun.

The dos and don'ts

The dos

• Talk to your partner before you buy anything, and again before you play
• Practise getting everything on and off, so nobody's fumbling with a buckle mid-moment
• Agree a safe word, a "carry on" word and a non-verbal signal
• Keep safety scissors within reach
• Fit two fingers under anything on wrists, ankles or neck
• Check in every 15 minutes or so
• Put the spreader bar on last and take it off first
• Prop a hog-tied partner up with pillows
• Play sober
• Give well-loved gear a once-over before you use it
• Talk about aftercare before you need it
• Choose restraints for comfort, how long you're playing, and what your body can do

The dont's

• Don't play solo: restraints always need a second person in the room
• Don't dive straight in
• Don't leave a restrained partner alone in the room
• Don't keep metal or fluffy cuffs on for more than 15 minutes
• Don't keep arms above the head for more than 15 minutes
• Don't leave bondage tape on for more than about 20 minutes
• Don't put restraints over elbows or knees
• Don't ever pull a lead from behind
• Don't reach for duct tape or household rope
• Don't ignore tingling, numbness or anything turning blue
• Don't block airways
• Don't assume your partner wants the same aftercare as you

Sophie's top picks for bondage restraints

Signature Faux Leather Handcuffs

The Ann Summers signature handcuffs feel very leather like, and I think the design is really top notch, on par with a luxury look but affordable. The easy attach carabiner is perfect for clipping the hands together, attaching to a lead, or creating an anchor point to safely tie hands to a bed or chair.

Signature Faux Leather Strappy Collar and Lead

The signature collar and lead are also beautifully designed and will match your cuffs perfectly.

Satin Lace Blindfold and Hand Tie

The satin blindfold can double up as a bondage tie too, so two for the price of one.