Menopause – with the hot flushes and loss of sex drive, it’s one of the few times in life when things heating up may not be such a good thing.
Sex and menopause are two topics often discussed together, as menopause can not only affect your mood and body, but also your sex life. But, and very importantly, this doesn’t have to mean losing your sex drive completely. It’s all about adjusting to the ‘new norm’ of your body.
We know you’ve probably been given information from all angles and are no doubt the proud owner of hundreds of formal pamphlets about menopause, but we’re here to make things a little easier. We’ve gathered together all the important information on one page, to answer everything you need to know about sex after menopause.
Does menopause affect sex? Short answer – yes, it can. The longer answer is around how menopause affects your sex life. Everyone is different; it’s what makes us so fabulous as humans! This is also true of menopause. How it affects you specifically will come down to your body. Some women actually experience an increase in sex drive during and after menopause, although this tends to be less common.
If we’re speaking generally about the most common effects, a large number of women report a lack of sex drive during menopause. This is due to a decrease in hormones including estrogen, which contribute to vaginal dryness and the thinning of the vaginal walls. This means you’re naturally less lubricated and more sensitive, so may experience pain with penetration after menopause.
Now, reading this, we know it can feel like the end of the world – or the end of your thriving love life at least. We’re here to tell you that is absolutely not the case. It’s a change, yes, but nothing that some small adjustments, a little extra effort, and lube can’t fix!
If you’ve experienced a loss of sex drive due to changing hormones during menopause, this may not be something that returns naturally. Now, this doesn’t mean you’ll never crave sex again. You just need to rediscover your body and understand the physical and emotional changes that have taken place, rather than expecting things to go right back to how they were before menopause. Recognising the change in your sex drive and feelings during this time is vital – then, you can work towards increasing your sex drive yourself.
The menopause is a biological process when a woman’s periods stop and she can no longer fall pregnant naturally. Therefore, a common question about menopause and sex is whether or not protection is still needed.
It’s important to remember that menopause can be a long process. Officially, you’ve not fully experienced menopause until you’ve gone at least a year without a period. While less likely, you can still fall pregnant during this time, so should continue with your usual birth control.
Once you’ve gone through menopause you don’t have to worry about falling pregnant. However, you’re not protected from STIs, so should still practice safe sex and use condoms with any new partners to reduce the risk of a sexually transmitted infection.
Right – onto the fun part; how to increase sex drive during menopause. As with all things sex, the most important aspects are understanding what’s happening to your body, having patience, and being prepared to put a little work in. Here are our top tips…
Are you really surprised to see communication at the top of the list? It applies to all aspects of sex, and it’s also true during and after menopause – you need to speak to your partner about what you want and need. It’s important to communicate that your loss of sex drive isn’t a rejection of them. Help them understand what you want and need out of sex, whether that’s extra time spent on foreplay or introducing toys, and work together on making it happen.
This may sound silly, but simply thinking about sex regularly can help you get in the mood. While a lot of men tend to get turned on by visuals, women are more likely to get turned on through thinking about erotic scenarios. So, take some time to think about fantasies, erotic movie scenes that excite you, or great sex you’ve had in the past. Allowing your brain some private time to focus on sex and what turns you on will naturally lead to you wanting it more.
You don’t have to go through this alone! There are plenty of great stimulants and sex aids for post-menopausal women that can improve sexual wellbeing and make a huge difference to how sex feels. You know we’re big fans of lube here at Ann Summers, and you definitely should be too. If you’re dryer than usual or experience any pain during penetration, you’re likely to be turned off, so lube really is your new best friend in this scenario!
Vibrators are also ideal for increasing sex drive through targeted, long-lasting stimulation. If you’ve not used toys together before as a couple, a bullet vibrator is a great, non-intrusive first option to try. Either you or your partner can use the vibe to focus on external stimulation to keep you turned on throughout.
Kegel exercises help tone and strengthen the inner walls of the vagina, which doesn’t only mean more intense orgasms, but can help with arousal too. You can practice kegels without any help, simply by contracting your pelvic floor muscles, but many women opt for a kegel ball or jiggle ball for an extra internal workout. Want to know more? Our How to Use Jiggle Balls guide tells all.
Finally, and importantly, understand that this is an adjustment period. Go easy on yourself! Sex may be a little different now, and it may take a little longer to get turned on – but that’s fine. It may just mean less grabbing your partner for a quickie and more putting time aside for a longer session between the sheets. Listen to your body, slow it down, relax and focus on anticipation and really connecting with your partner. It doesn’t have to be a race!
Ultimately, menopause most definitely doesn’t have to mean the end of a great sex life. It’s just about taking changes in your stride and discovering new things about your body and turn-ons. With our tips, you’ll soon be back to getting hot between the sheets – and definitely in a good way!
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