Words have power: why body shaming needs to end

‘You’d be so pretty if you lost weight’

‘Should you really be eating that?’

‘You could do with losing a bit of weight’

‘Boys like slim girls’

Most women have experienced at least one instance of body shaming in their lives – and, unfortunately, the incidence is highly likely to be even higher.

‘You’d be so pretty if you lost weight’ was one of the most common body shaming comments I received growing up, and it strongly contributed to my negative body image. Because what are the implications of that statement – that I’m not pretty now, as I am, because I weigh too much?

Women are taught that being attractive is their biggest asset, and that attractiveness is defined by size, so comments like that cemented, for me, that I would never be good enough until I was thin. Another incident that stands out is a shop assistant guiding me towards swimsuits rather than bikinis because ‘they’re more flattering for your shape’.

These comments stung… They really stung. I felt worthless, and my only glimmer of hope came from the prospect of losing weight – and so I dedicated my life to the cause. I was a chronic dieter, flitting from one diet to the next determined that ‘this one will be the one’, waking up each Monday with a new set of rules for how to eat to make my body smaller. Dieting became my sense of self, making up a huge part of my identity and personality. It's sad, I know, but it’s the truth. Ultimately, my serial dieting led me down an even darker path of eating disorders and I ended up being diagnosed with anorexia nervosa.

It’s baffling how often women are told that they take up too much space. They are encouraged to shrink themselves – both literally and physically – by whatever means possible… Hence why so many of us end up doing dangerous diets that compromise our physical and mental health.

But men? Oh no – no way! Men are taught to take up space… As much space that they feel they want. Women are taught to be seen while men are taught to be heard, and that’s why body shaming is so overwhelmingly skewed towards women.

I’m calling BS on that – and I’m sure you are too. No matter what shape or size we are, NOBODY should be commenting on our bodies. It’s a form of bullying, which as we know can have devastating effects, and according to the National Eating Disorders Association, around 65 per cent of people with eating disorders say that bullying contributed to their illness.

Body shaming commentary contributes to negative body image, which has serious consequences for both physical and mental health. It’s just not acceptable, and it’s time we take a stance – because while we can’t go back and undo the harm that the negative messages had on us, we can help to curb it for the future and also for younger generations.

Opening a discussion around it also allows us to recognise the influence it has potentially had on our own personal and collective body image – as I mentioned, the body shaming I received helped to form beliefs around my body and my self-worth, and it wasn’t until I had therapy for my eating disorder that I was able to unpick these beliefs and identify the comments as the source. Knowledge is power, and knowing what has contributed to our negative body image can help us heal it.

This International Women’s Day, the theme is #BreakTheBias, with the aim of pushing for a gender equal world, a world free of bias, stereotypes and discrimination for everyone who identifies as a woman. I’m so proud of Ann Summers for using this opportunity to shine a much-needed light on body shaming this #IWD and helping to ensure it can no longer exist in the shadows, causing untold harm for women.

Because aside from the negative impact it has on our health, body shaming also, ultimately, serves to perpetuate the narrative that what matters about us is our external appearance. And that couldn’t be further from the truth – the outside is simply what houses all the good stuff… The vessel which allows us to navigate this world. How it looks just shouldn’t matter – and it’s about time we stopped letting it.