Sexuality isn’t something we think of as rigid and forever set in stone. After all, we all change throughout our lives, opening up to new experiences and different lifestyles. Some people are born feeling a certain way about their sexuality and never feel any different during their lifetime, whereas others may start feeling different urges as they go through their teens, 20s, 30s, 40s and well beyond.
There are many terms that can be used to describe sexuality, some useful and some not so much. But what does bi curious mean? And where does this fit into the whole spectrum of sexuality? We think that all sexuality should be celebrated and want to encourage you to explore your urges and needs – helping you achieve ultimate satisfaction in your love life.
So, first things first, what does bi curious mean? Well, the definition is pretty much exactly what the phrase suggests. Here’s the dictionary definition:
(of a heterosexual person) interested in having a sexual experience with a person of the same sex
To be bi curious can simply be explained as having an interest in sharing a sexual experience with someone of the same gender. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re bisexual or homosexual – it can be a simple curiosity to try out something different. Bi curiosity might not necessarily be considered as a change of sexual orientation or lifestyle, more so a gateway into new experiences that may have an effect on how you feel about your sexuality.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that you’d have to ‘qualify’ to be bisexual by going through bi curiosity first. When you know, you know. It’s always important to remember that these are just labels people use for convenience. There’s no right or wrong when it comes to your own sexuality and not everything needs a label on it!
Experiencing new feelings when it comes to sexual attraction can be difficult to understand and can often leave you feeling conflicted. Despite society becoming more progressive and accepting of diversity when it comes to sexuality, there can be worries about the stigma from friends, family members, colleagues or partners who struggle to understand what you’re feeling. As with any sexual feelings, it can be deeply personal and difficult to talk about at first, but you’ll feel better once you do.
We know what being bi curious literally means, but what does it mean for you personally? Well, the great news is that it can mean whatever you want it to! Being bi curious doesn’t have to mean anything at all – you could have feelings and choose to do absolutely nothing about it, you could take steps to fulfilling your desires or just talk to someone about how you’re feeling, it’s really up to you. There can be so much pressure surrounding sex and sexuality, but the important thing is to take things at your own pace and let it mean whatever you want it to! Remember that being bi curious isn’t necessarily a change of sexual orientation, it can be purely sexual, like wanting to try bondage or a sex toy for the first time.
Bi curious and bisexual feelings can be confusing, especially if you’re already in a relationship or fear judgement from friends or family. It’s important that you address the emotions that can come with these new thoughts and feelings.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is talk about how you’re feeling. Whether it’s with a partner, friend or someone else you can trust, talking about these new urges and feelings can help you better understand your own impulsions. Remember, it’s easy to make assumptions about how people will react, but they’re just that – assumptions.
Experiencing feelings of bi curiosity might come as a complete surprise to you and can look totally different for different people. For example, your bi curiosity may not come with the feelings that would lead you to have interest in a relationship or emotional connection with somebody of the same sex, whereas it might in someone who may be bisexual.
So you’re feeling yourself becoming more curious about trying same sex activity and have decided that you want to do something about it. What’s next? There are numerous ways that you can experiment with bi curiosity or bisexuality, helping you discover what does and doesn’t work for you. As with everything in the bedroom, from a first time threesome to exploring the P-spot, just take it slow! The great news is that whatever stage in life you’re in, it’s never too late to start exploring bisexuality!
Preparing for your first bi experience can be almost like preparing to lose your virginity again. Sure, you may already be experienced in the bedroom but you’re once again stepping into uncharted territories, putting you back to being a beginner. Here are a few tips to help you ensure your first bi experience is one to remember… for all the right reasons.
Find the Right Person
As with any sexual experience, the person you’re sharing it with is one of the most important factors of all. For some people, trying something new feels better with an almost stranger, away from the pressures of someone who knows you well. For others, familiarity is key. The most important thing is that this person understands you and your needs and is respectful of those.
Take Your Time
Whatever speed feels right for you is the perfect way to approach your first time. Whatever you feel comfortable trying with your bi curiosity, just go with it. If you’re with someone who is pressuring you to go to places that you’re less comfortable with, tell them!
Set Your Own Limits
Following on from the point above, you’ll know what feels right to you and it’s important not to be pushed to go further and to do things that make you feel uncomfortable. Once you get into the situation your limits might change, but make sure that’s on you.
The most important thing when it comes to sex – enjoy yourself! Sex should be about pleasure and fun, not worry and stress. If you’ve made the decision to explore your bisexuality, try to own and it and enjoy it.
If you’re in a relationship and one of you has suggested trying bisexual play, it can be a tricky subject to handle. For some couples, the thought might be a turn on and it can lead to further discussions about threesomes or foursomes or, for those who are comfortable, letting your partner play without you.
If you are exploring bisexuality in a relationship try to remember a few things:
Be Respectful – Although these are your feelings, you should be respectful of your partner’s too. Read our guide on talking about sex to help you find the right way to bring up the conversation and handle it.
Stay Faithful – If your partner isn’t into the idea at all, this isn’t an excuse to cheat! If your feelings are strong enough you may have a decision to make, but it should never be to cheat!
Set Boundaries – If your partner is happy to include bisexual sex as part of your sex life, or experiment outside, set some boundaries as to what is and isn’t allowed, making it clear from the start.
Always Be Open – Try to remember your partner’s feelings throughout and stay as open as possible with communication. Reassure them about your feelings towards them and tell them how you’re feeling.
Bisexuality, or having feelings of bi curiosity, is something that can often feel difficult to deal with and it might be hard to know which way to turn with it. Speaking to others and addressing your feelings and urges is often the best way to deal with those emotions that you might be feeling.
At Ann Summers, we feel that sexuality should be celebrated, and it doesn’t matter what sex you’re attracted to, as long as you feel good about yourself and, of course, get to enjoy the pleasure!
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