Claira Hermet x Ann Summers

Claira Hermet is a broadcaster, journalist and online creator. At 30 years of age Claira underwent a preventative double mastectomy which led to her readdressing her relationship with her body, her mental health and with sex.

Since then she has become a qualified confidence coach, inspiring others to limit their fears and improve self-esteem. Claira also presents the early breakfast show and The Scene for BBC Radio London.

Sexy is more than a look

Sexy is more than a look, it's a feeling and it’s taken me a long time to understand this, accept this and embrace this.

I used to think that as a woman my worth came from how sexy men found me. I thought it was so important that I always tried to dress and look ‘sexy’ according to what men perceived as sexy. I wasn’t doing it for me to feel good. I felt good only because men found me sexy. I thought that’s how it was supposed to be. The problem with this is that feeling good, worthy, sexy or anything else for that matter, shouldn’t be reliant on external sources because when it is we always find ourselves lacking it and then needing to chase it. In my case so much so I got a little bit lost and confused about what ‘sexy’ even was.

How did I rediscover and redefine my ‘sexy’? I had my boobs removed and reconstructed. To clarify I didn’t have the procedure just to rediscover my ‘sexy’ lol that would have been a tad extreme even for me. I had a preventative double mastectomy because both my mum and sister died of breast cancer and after testing I was told I carry the BRCA 1 Gene Mutation. This gave me an 85% life chance of getting breast cancer, something I really wanted to avoid by all means necessary.

I was 31, single and child free when I decided it was time to undergo the procedure. The thought of my attractiveness and how much of my sex appeal was tied to my breasts really started to hit me and trouble me. I started to question if I would be seen as sexy after the op? Would men find me attractive? But what dawned on me for the first time and what was much more important was how would I feel about my body post op? How would I view myself? How would I feel sexy?

The process of choosing to have the op and the lead up to it made me question everything I had thought to be true about my body and previous dislike, and at times in my life utter hatred of it. During those times it was men finding me sexy that I perceived as the only good thing my body was doing for me. It feels so crazy for me to write that now but it’s how I used to feel, until I didn’t.

That time brought on a huge shift for me. I stopped caring about what men thought. I realised I had been somewhat programmed and conditioned to think it was important, but I started to realise it really meant nothing. I also started to break down the beauty standards of western society and see that they are utterly unachievable for the majority of us. I realised that these beauty standards were unrealistic but also made most of us feel ‘less than’ ‘not good enough’ ‘unattractive’ and dare I say it not ‘sexy’. During this time in my life I was awoken to an idea that I am not my thoughts or my beliefs. If I don’t like the thoughts I have or if the things I believe to be true about me and the world don’t serve me then I should work at changing them and I did exactly that.

One of the biggest changes for me at that time was this realisation that my body is incredible. Not because of how she looks but because of all the things she does for me and all she allows me to experience. I had sent 31 years living in my body and for the most part I had treated her like she was my worst enemy because she didn’t look how I believed needed her too. I suddenly realised my body is my best friend… I have put my body through hell to try and look a certain way and she has never let me down, never failed me and here I was constantly telling her she was ‘too big’ ‘ugly’ ‘disgusting’. My eyes were open to all my body does for me everyday and honestly I realised without my body I wouldn’t be alive, I wouldn’t be climbing mountains, traveling, hugging my mates or having amazing orgasams. I only get to do all of those things because of this body.

I realise that confidence is sexy. Arrogance not so much lol. Confidence doesn’t come from your body being a certain shape, size or anything else. That ‘confidence’ isn’t real because it is based on a made up, ever changing beauty standard designed to make us all feel insecure. Confidence comes from accepting yourself and embracing yourself as you are. That’s sexy. It’s an energy that comes when we refuse to let outside sources determine our worth, when we know from the inside out that we are always good enough.

Sexy is a feeling. It’s a confidence that no one can take away from you. Sexy isn’t about how I look or how anyone else sees me, it’s about how I see myself and I feel in my own body. It’s such a relief to be able to make myself feel good and to not need outside validation from anyone. I’m sexy because I exist and I don’t need anyone else to reaffirm that.