Bisexuality and Me by Jade Laurice

My name is Jade Laurice, also known as the ‘Bad B’ in the LGBTQ+ (Wink Wink). I am unapologetically free with my sexuality, there is nothing sexier than sexual freedom. Personally, I have always been a free spirit; my mantra is ‘Fear Less and Live More’. I’ve always believed that those who are undoubtedly open and at peace with their sexual freedom are a force to be reckoned with, much like a newly discovered superpower. You are untouchable. However, everyone’s story is different, some embrace it sooner, some take longer. Flowing, learning, finding, accepting, and eventually embracing the new, sexier YOU!

Bisexuality is of course being attracted to ‘both’ genders, opposite and the same. However, I also connect with other terms such as ‘sexually fluid’ and ‘queer’ because I feel less confined and restricted to one term, I feel liberated. Ultimately… I like the wine but not the label! Self-liberation and self-acceptance should be your number one priority. Discover what you like, who you like, what you want and how you want it before vocalizing it to anyone else. This is YOUR journey at the end of the day. It is time to make a change when you start to feel like your sexuality or curiosity is more of a secret, rather than a private or personal aspect of life. No matter how long it takes, you must always be honest with yourself and free of judgement. Question yourself, discover what makes you tick? Have you always been Queer, Bisexual, or Bi- curious? Where do you fit in? where do you feel comfortable? Where do you even start?!

What Turns You On?

Sexuality is so expansive; emotionally, spiritually, sexually, and romantic. Everyone has their own individual fantasies in and out of the bedroom. However many people falsely think that the main aspect of sexual attraction is genitalia but believe me it’s so much more. My biggest turn on is an emotional and spiritual connection. I’d describe myself as a true demisexual (sexually attracted to someone based on a strong emotional connection). It could be a conversation about world change that gets me going or even something as simple as a sexual fantasy we both share. Sharing secrets, dreams and passions are how you really get me in the bedroom because you can’t beat when two minds meet and everything else follows. I also find many things attractive that can equally be found in both men and women. Things like confidence, style, and intelligence. I just undeniably love strong, fearless people, emphasis on people. Sexual attraction should ultimately be a physical or/and emotional connection with someone, it’s that simple. If you like what you see or hear then experiment with these feelings; Don’t overthink it.

Have I Always Been Bisexual/Bicurious?

Looking back I’ve always fantasied about kissing girls, when I was young, I’d put my Bratz dolls lips together and make them hold hands knowing already that this wasn’t necessarily accepted. As a little girl I was told barbies married Kens not other Barbies. But the girls who broke the rules with their barbies are most likely bisexual now. The older I got the more curious I was by women, but in addition to my intrigue to women I was still attracted to boys. Unfortunately, like most bisexuals this felt confusing and abnormal at the time because I didn’t know anyone who was having the same feelings and it definitely wasn’t visible in pop culture. In my early teens I would type into YouTube ‘girls kissing’ each time clearing my browser history because I just didn’t know how to explain why I just loved watching women kiss. I would stare at the screen in awe at how beautiful the connection was between two females and how perfectly their lips matched together. It was like an art I’d never seen before.

Where Do I Even Start?

I would dream all through my teens about experiencing a same sex romantic or sexual moment. But the number one question was always WHERE DO I EVEN START? Firstly you have to start when you’re ready and take your time. Chatting online is a great way to ease into the LGBTQ+ world whether it’s sliding into your crush’s DMs or joining a queer friendly dating app. Initially it was hard for me to tell who was actually queer and who even liked me back but later realized the ambiguity of queer dating is normal, rejection is okay. What’s great is most of the women I’ve dated have evolved into beautiful platonic friendships which is sometimes even better. Most of the time now I just know, the same with men. Energy, eye contact and sexual tension never lies. I remember the first time I dated a girl I met at work was like dating an old friend in a good way, then we moved in together days later. Just kidding, but it does move pretty fast because filters are taken down and the connection just feels incredibly authentic. But one piece of advice I would give my younger self is to take it slow no matter how good it feels. Speaking of first times my first intimate experience with a girl was terrifying; I was so nervous I couldn’t even hide it. I didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing and even though I’d had sex with men before I felt like a virgin again, touched for the very first time. However the sense of relatability made it so easy and natural. Foreplay was beautiful and every part was exactly how I'd imagined it even with the giggles in between. Sex is the one time as humans we can be free, let go and be honest about your pleasures and desires. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t but you’ll never know until you experiment and try.

How Do I Tell My Loved Ones?

When I was 19, I had a boyfriend who just to clarify I loved and fancied very much. If you’re a bisexual woman and you date a guy, guess what... you’re still bisexual. A relationship is not an orientation, so you can be monogamous with one gender but still be attracted to both sexes. He was aware of my attraction to women before the world did and this really helped me gradually come to terms with my queerness. It’s always important to not go through this journey alone but share it with someone who you trust whether it’s a family member or a friend. Telling my family was a bit of an awkward moment because I know no one really expected it. It also didn’t feel natural to me to have a dramatic, intense conversation about it because it frustrated me that straight people did it. I just didn’t want it to be a big thing. But I made ‘the talk’ more of a passing conversation in a relaxed environment which put me and everyone else at ease. Not only was speaking my truth a weight off my shoulders but they also blissfully embraced me and my sexuality which I am extremely grateful for.

Where Do I Fit In?

The problem with society is there’s many boxes and we’re told from young that we should each individually fit into one, “fit in this one box so everyone else can understand you” but ultimately only you need to know you. Your identity especially your sexuality is personal. Your sexuality only belongs to you and you don’t have to explain it to anyone because your experiences and desires belong to you. Human minds are complex and beautiful. Our love is our strongest power with the magic to do whatever we want and be with whoever we want even if not everyone believes in magic.

Bisexuality can be uncertain and questioned in some cases mainly because of the stigmas attached to it. Since coming out I’ve been called promiscuous, attention seeking, confused and greedy. I’m Adventurous, but not promiscuous and trust me when I say the attention that I get due to my sexuality is always unwanted. The only thing I’ve been confused about on this journey is where do I fit in in this world and even after finding my people and being accepted by my loved one I fit in ABSOLUTELY nowhere and that’s okay. I will also admit that I’m greedy, but not with partners, more with carbs and clothes. I’m also greedy for love, I LOVE love and, FYI, love is a horrible thing to hate!

I’ve come to a personal conclusion that you will never make everyone happy; someone will always have something to say, all you can do is live your own truth and hold your head high! I’m not here to change small minds, I’m here to inspire open ones and misfits! I’m not going anywhere. I’m finally at a stage in my life where I can shout it from the roof tops even if no one cares. Being queer does not define me but it is a part of me because the woman I am now was bloomed from my sexual journey. Every time someone accepts who they are I believe the world becomes a more beautiful place!