While sex may be an animal instinct, being a great lover isn’t necessarily in our genes.
In fact, explosive sexual encounters are less about natural ability and more about swotting up, paying attention to the lady you’re with and practice, practice, practice.
As a guy, it’s common to feel like you should automatically be able to turn your partner on. But the truth is, most men worry massively about their performance and are pretty unsure about what they should be doing – especially in the beginning.
So, boys, this one’s for you. From better communication, to knowing the tricks (and tools) of the trade, being good in bed is just a guide away.
While men can easily dive straight in, most women need more of a build-up to get them going.
It can be tempting to just get down to business, but if really want to blow your partner’s mind, you need to play the long game. And this should start outside the bedroom.
Try sending some steamy sexts letting her know how much you want her and what you’re going to do to her later.
Not sure where to start without sounding corny?
The trick is to make your intentions clear but in a playful, sensual way. Describe the slow undress to come, tell them which part of their body you love most and why, or talk about some favourite moments from your last steamy encounter.
When you do get together, set the scene. Get out the candles, dim the lights and play some tunes. If you really want to impress her, cook a romantic dinner and enjoy the tease before you devour each other. Finally, flick the switch to steamy using stimulating oils for an intimate massage that’ll make her feel great in more ways than one.
If you’re no Casanova, simply fake it till you make it.
Show your partner that you’re comfortable with yourself and your abilities. Confidence is a real turn on, both in and out of the bedroom. So forget that nagging self-doubt and be that sex-assured guy.
To help you out, here are a few confidence-boosting tips:
Being able to communicate is a massive part of any healthy relationship. And when it comes to sex, talking with your partner won’t only build intimacy – it also helps you both come out of your steamy encounters much more satisfied.
What can you talk about? Well, sex for starters. It’s a topic everyone loves, so no need to get nervous and clam up. Telling each other what you do and don’t like is a great start. If you know she loves oral and this is the way she usually climaxes, you’re halfway to satisfying her already.
While you’re on the subject, get a little more explicit and encourage her to open up about her fantasies and turn-ons (and spill yours too). She might be into dress-up, bondage or anal action, but if you don’t discuss it you’ll never know. Even the act of talking about it is guaranteed to get you both going.
When you’re getting all worked up with a woman you’re hot for, trying not to come too soon can be a real problem. Think of something unsexy please, brain.
So rather than leaving her wanting more, if you can train yourself to last longer you can prolong her pleasure – and yours too.
Have a go at some of these:
Just before you’re about to tip over the edge, pull back and then wait a minute before you get back to it. It’ll prolong the pleasure and your point of no return.
By slowing the flow of blood back out of the penis, cock rings help you stay harder for longer. Try one that vibrates to give you both an extra thrill. Keen to find out more? Check out our beginner’s guide to cock rings.
Training your pelvic floor (known as kegels) can increase your sexual awareness and enjoyment. They’re easy enough to locate as they’re the muscles you use to stop urination mid stream. Once you’ve found them, squeeze in for 3, out for 3 and repeat 10 times, 3 times a day.
Keep in mind, the average duration of intercourse is 5.4 minutes. If you can manage any longer than that, then you’re doing just fine.
As well as asking her to tell you what turns her on beforehand, watching her physical response is a pretty good indicator if you’re getting her hot, or not.
If her heart’s pumping, she’s breathing heavily, her face is flushed and she’s nice and wet, that’s definitely a good start. Other signs include lip biting, pupil dilation and lots of intense eye contact.
If you’re still not sure if she’s enjoying it, just ask. Communication really is key to great sexual experiences. Even when things aren’t working so well, if the trust is there you can just laugh it off and try something else. Don’t get embarrassed about little misunderstandings. Sex is supposed to be fun.
Don’t forget to pay attention to the direct clues. If she’s pushing you away, pulling back or guiding you elsewhere, stop what you’re doing and try something else.
Sticking to the same old bedroom routine can be a real passion killer. Take the lead and tell your partner you’d like to try something you’ve never done together before. If she’s keen, game on.
First stop, try out some new positions
From doggy-style to spooning to the kneeling reach-around. Check out our positions of the fortnight for inspiration. By getting adventurous and changing the angles you can both enjoy all sorts of new sensations, and even discover better ways to climax.
As well as mixing up the positions, you could also try varying the location. Always do it in the bedroom? Try out the kitchen, lounge or dining room table instead. You get even venture out to a public place. Sure, it’s a little risky, but the chance of getting caught will only heighten your arousal.
Don’t let your fantasies be fantasies. Why not try bringing them to life?
Foreplay is a requirement, not a suggestion. Most women don’t tend to appreciate you yanking down their pants and going in cock first. So take things slow and sensual, don’t rush in.
Rather than heading directly to her crotch (as tempting as it may be) take some time to explore her other erogenous zones. Kiss her neck; suck and nibble her nipples; caress the inside of her thighs; play with the band of her knickers.
The tease will drive her wild.
When you do finally get down to business, the clit is definitely the place to focus your attention. A word of warning: direct stimulation can be pretty uncomfortable. Instead focus on the hood or along the side. You can also slide a finger or two inside, but gently does it.
For mind-blowing oral, run the tip of your tongue in circles around the clit then gently lick and suck it, and repeat. Keeping a rhythm is crucial, especially near climax.
If you really want to spice things up, bring in the sex toys. Toys are great for foreplay, and couple’s toys can take your sexual experiences to the next level. Don’t worry about being replaced by a vibrator – you’re not in competition, sex toys are useful tool when it comes to pleasing your partner (and yourself). Men and women who use them actually report higher levels of sexual satisfaction.
Not only can sex toys prevent your up-close and personal encounters going stale, but they’re also an opportunity to explore some hot new sensations, together. If you’re a sex toy beginner, start small by experimenting with wands (great for massages) and bullets (try using one on her while giving her oral) combined with stimulants and lubes as part of foreplay. Our specially designed sex toys for couples are great for new players, and you can then bring them into the main action when you’re ready.
From there you can get even more adventurous. Butt plugs may not sound that appealing, but trust us, they can deliver some of the most powerfully intense orgasms for both men and women. Up for some BDSM play? Get out the handcuffs for some dominant/submissive action.
When you’re both still catching your breath, don’t be that guy who rolls over and goes to sleep.
Prolong the moment by continuing to give her your undivided attention after the action has happened. Stay close and reassure her the connection isn’t just physical. She’s craving intimacy at this time.
There’s also no reason to stop in the bedroom. In fact, keeping the connection going outside of it will do your love life a massive favour. Spontaneous acts of affection can keep the arousal levels high, while playfulness can really strengthen your bond and help you feel more comfortable together.
Most of all, be committed, respect her boundaries and make her feel sexy and desirable. If you’re a sensitive guy as well as a hot lover, you’re on to a winner.
Don’t forget, every partner is different, but figuring out what works for them is the key to a successful sex life.Read more secrets to great sex