Guest Blogger
Jeremy Milnes

So just recently Cheryl Cole, or should I now say Mrs Cheryl Fernandez-Versini, got married for the second time. Now by all accounts it was a bit of a whirlwind romance, a love at first sight, fairy tale, made in heaven relationship. Just three months after meeting husband Jean-Bernard, they were married on a remote Caribbean island. And they lived happily ever after; or so we hope.

What interests me though, is how soon into their relationship did JB declare his undying love for CF-V? A day? A week? A month? When is the right time guys to use those three simple words, made up of a mere eight letters, which can make or break a relationship? How soon after meeting your new partner should you say, ‘I love you.’ If at all because let’s face it, some men find it incredibly difficult to even say the words. They just seem to stick in their throat like a boiled sweet, never seeing the light of day. On the other hand, I remember working on ‘Would Like To Meet,’ with a young guy who, on his first date in a restaurant told the girl he had known for approximately twenty five minutes, that he loved her. They had barely finished the main course for goodness sake. Needless to say, there was no second date. I don’t even think they got as far as dessert.

First things first, how do you know that you’re even in love and not in lust? In the first few weeks and months of a relationship, it’s usual to want to rip each other’s clothes off at every given opportunity. It’s also easy to be carried away by the moment and before you know it you’ve said ‘I love you,’ but without really meaning it. You just said it because it felt right at the time. However, there is nothing less flattering guys than insincerity and believe me, it will come back and bite you sooner or later:

 “But you told me you loved me...”

“Yes I know I did, but...”

You know the rest, right? So you then end up saying nothing at all because you’re afraid of making a fool of yourself and more importantly, your partner who understandably, took you at your word. But no, that’s not the answer either because having the emotional intelligence and sensitivity of a stone doesn’t exactly make you the world’s most attractive man. When we open up and share our feelings with our partner we can feel vulnerable and some guys find this very uncomfortable. But trust me, it’s ok and very modern man.

So what is the solution if you think you’re falling for somebody? Well, you take your time, Start easy by telling your new partner over the first few dates that you enjoy spending time with them, that you really have fun being with them, you look forward to seeing them and that they mean a lot to you. Get the idea? You’re paving the way to carefully sharing your feelings in a way that builds and develops emotional trust and is safe, comfortable and reassuring for both of you.

And always, always, always, watch and listen because how your partner responds is hugely important. Do they smile and say they feel the same, responding with positive affirmations or do they seem anxious and nervous, moving away from you, shifting their gaze and changing the subject as quickly as possible? Hopefully it’s the former because a relationship that is emotionally unbalanced in terms of what each person feels for the other is a very dodgy foundation on which to build. If you’ve ever been there, you’ll know what I mean.

If your relationship grows and develops, the time will come guys when you want to tell your partner you have really strong feelings for them and you’re ready to look your them in the eye and say ‘I love you,’ (if you want to play extra safe simply add one small word, ‘I think I love you,’ but try not to sound too much like Hugh Grant in ‘Four Weddings and a Funeral.’)

So what is the time scale from meeting your partner to saying those magical words? General guide is when you feel you know them well enough as a person, their background, their likes and dislikes, their good points that makes them so attractive to you, their personality traits that may not be so attractive. You fall in love with the whole person and everything that makes them unique, you can’t cherry pick guys.

Tell somebody you love them too soon and you deserve the, ‘but you don’t even know me,’ response, which they will think even if they don’t actually say it. And please, please, please, don’t say ‘I love you,’ for the first time after eight pints of lager, immediately after sex or in a throw away fashion. Say what you mean and mean what you say. And remember, telling somebody that you love them is a sign of inner strength, not weakness. So open up guys, say what you feel and be a real man!