HOW I BEGAN TO ORGASM THROUGH PENIS-IN-VAGINA SEX IN MY FORTIES

I began masturbating quite young, so I was always aware of my vagina, but I wouldn’t say I particularly liked it. I was paranoid about what it looked like, whether it was normal and although I had boyfriends in my late teens, I wasn’t completely comfortable when it came to sex. Masturbation felt nice, but although I got pleasure from stroking the area, looking back now I’m certain I never managed to orgasm. I lost my virginity with a boy my own age a few years later, aged 15. It was over very quickly and I got absolutely no pleasure from it whatsoever. My sex life continued in this vain thoughout my late teens and twenties. 

Sex with someone else was very different to sex with myself. I never orgasmed with men, whereas by about 28 I could make it happen on my own – but only ever via the clitoris. It was like sex and masturbation were two completely separate things. I couldn’t bridge that gap or join up the two. Even when I was with boyfriends and they said, ‘Touch yourself like you do when you’re on your own,’ it wasn’t the same. I couldn’t relax and I felt like I was putting on a performance for their pleasure, not mine. I had quite a few boyfriends in my twenties and I was always really sexually attracted to them, but I put their pleasure before my own. It resulted in hot sex, but that sex always ended without orgasm for me and I felt frustrated. 

My first orgasm with a man was through oral sex. It was clitoral and I was in my early thirties, but it was a one-off. From then on, my ability to orgasm with someone else was dependent on whether or not they were happy to go down on me and for how long. If I thought for a second that I was taking ages or they weren’t enjoying it, it wouldn't happen.

Then, at 34 years old, everything changed. Gradually, I started to relax a little bit more during sex after meeting my long-term partner. Although the first four or five months played out as usual, the more familiar the sex became, the more pleasurable it became. Then, out of nowhere, it was like a block had been removed. Something switched in my mind. I started having sex almost how a man would – I began taking pleasure for myself. I wouldn’t switch position every few minutes to keep him entertained; I’d stay in exactly the same place that was right for me and be like, 'No, keep doing that,' no matter how long it took. If he was getting bored, I didn’t care because it was working for me. As time went on and I continued my selfish sex crusade, I orgasmed more and more, until I realised I was actually able to orgasm through penetration alone. 

Now, aged 40, I can orgasm penetratively through a few strokes, if I’m really in the mood. I don’t know if it’s a physical thing or a completely psychological thing, but this barrier has been lifted. I never thought I’d be someone who would be able to orgasm through penetration alone – ever. I thought that part of my body just didn’t work like that. I feel like I can have penetrative sex now and get as much out of it as my partner. It’s made me feel less under pressure and makes me want to have sex more. A lot more. 

Before, I used to find ‘quickies’ annoying, because the men I slept with were always getting something out of it – I was just the vessel – whereas now I can have a quickie and orgasm. Sex isn’t a chore any more. 

My sex life has transformed and it’s all because I made the choice to put my own pleasure first. Maybe it was age, confidence or the fact I was bored of putting my own needs on the back burner, but a whole new world of enjoyment has opened up for me and my vagina in my forties. My partner and I use all sorts of sex toys together, rather than just clitoral stimulators, and have even braved a sex club. My appetite for sex is now on the verge of insatiable. I can’t get enough.