Tantric Sex - Woman in lacy knickers on Man's lap in greyscale

What is Tantric Sex?

Tantric sex is an ancient practice focussed on mindfulness and pleasure. It turns our traditional ‘Western’ way of having sex on its head, making it less about a formulaic race to orgasm and more about being in the moment, savouring pleasure as the main reward.

Of course, one of the great things about introducing a little Tantra into your sex life is that it can lead to some of the most mind-blowing orgasms you’ll ever have!

How to have Tantric Sex

First things first, this isn’t about a quickie and you need to set aside some time. We’re aiming for a slow, gradual build-up of sexual energy, concentrating on how good it feels for all the senses.

The goal is enjoyment – an amazing orgasm (or two!) is a by-product.

A lot of tantric sex guides will suggest you start clothed, looking into your partner’s eyes for five or 10 minutes, syncing your breathing so that when you breathe in, your partner breathes out, and vice versa. This is great to set the scene and build that connection before you start touching each other.

That said… some of us might feel like an idiot staring into our partner’s eyes! Don’t worry, skipping this step doesn’t mean you have to miss out on the benefits of tantric sex.

Some ways you can try Tantric for the first time

Couple standing closely in loose white shirts, the man has his hand on the woman's waist

Firstly think about your preferences, and those of your partner. If the thought of staring into each other’s eyes makes you both cringe, tantric breathing could be the perfect middle ground – syncing your breathing as described above. If you don’t feel like you want to get undressed straight away, wear something loose and only remove it when you’re ready for that skin on skin contact. Figure out what your version of tantric sex is.

Couple in a passionate embrace on a throw hiding a kiss under a hat

Step away from the bed. Beds get us thinking about sleep, and a change of scenery helps us to see what we’re about to do as something new and different. Arrange some cushions and blankets on the floor, maybe in the living room… and remember to close the curtains!

Try to fully switch your mind onto your sensations, away from your brain’s internal ‘chatter’.

Two wine glasses half full with red wine in front of a fire

Set the scene. You know the drill – low lighting, scented candles, wine (though getting drunk isn’t the idea here), perhaps fruit to snack on or feed each other...remember tantric sex involves all the senses. If your mind starts to wander, bring it back to your body by focussing on your breathing.

A couple in lying in passionate embrace kissing eachother and stroking eachother's faces

Get in the right mindset. We’re not going to rush this. It’s a chance to clear our minds, forget about the stressful day we’ve had, turn our phones off and connect with our sensations and our partner.

Getting started

Silhouette of a face with slight open mouth close to the torso of partner

Once you feel nice and relaxed from eye contact or breathing, you can start to touch each other. Don’t rush straight for the classic erogenous zones – we’re taking our time! Gentle touching can turn the entire body into one erogenous zone. This is some next-level foreplay!

Slowly build up into more sexual touching, and even progress to intercourse if you want. Orgasms might happen – and that’s great, but don’t rush. If you feel like you (or your partner) are getting close to orgasm, slow it down again – the movements, the breathing, everything. Enjoy the sensations rather than thinking ‘hurray! It’s time to cum!’.

Sound familiar? This technique is also sometimes known as ‘edging’. This is bringing your partner (or yourself) almost to the point of orgasm, then slowing down to delay the climax. Done repeatedly, this builds up to a much more powerful orgasm.

Sometimes edging can be used in a dominant/submissive way to take full control of your partner’s pleasure. However, tantric sex isn’t about teasing for the sake of teasing. The aim is to prolong the pleasure, not just to drive your partner crazy.

When (or if!) you do climax, it’ll be worth the wait. Getting right to the brink a few times before your orgasm can really build up the sexual energy… trust us, the release will be something you’ll want to repeat again soon!

Tantric Sex Positions

Wooden figures in the sex position yab yum

A traditional tantric sex position is the ‘yab yum’ position, where the man sits with his legs crossed and you sit on his lap facing him, your legs wrapped around him, like the image above.

You can, of course, have tantric sex in any position you like. The key is to start slow, maybe even not touching, perhaps lying down next to each other, and work your way up gradually. You’re not doing it wrong if you end up doing it doggy style...

Tantric Sex Masturbation

Wooden figure holding a bullet vibrator between it's legs

Is tantric sex just for couples? Hell no. The principles of taking your time to enjoy and savour sensations, and not just having an orgasm just to ‘scratch the itch’, does NOT require a partner.

Again, start slow. Focus on your breathing and making a connection with your body. Touch yourself without going straight for the usual erogenous zones – and maybe use your toys in a different way… gentle vibrations on your stomach, neck or thighs can give you all the right kinds of tingles.

Using massage oil or lube on different areas of your body too can really help you to learn more about what feels good. Spend time on this rather than heading straight for your clit once you’re warmed up.

And when you feel like you’re about to cum, slow down. Take your vibrator down a notch, slow your hands down, breathe more slowly. Then continue… all of a sudden you have a way to pass a whole evening that Netflix can’t touch!

Tantric… and BDSM?

Yes, you heard it here! These two, apparently very different, kinds of sex have quite a lot in common. Both are about trusting your partner and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and totally in the moment.

The best kind of bondage (in our opinion) starts slow and leaves you in full control of what’s happening to you.

For example, using a whip very gently at first and building up to a little pain, if you want it, is very much in line with tantric principles. Pain is a sensation after all and, if it’s a pleasurable sensation for you, then why not incorporate it into your tantric experiments?


So, it doesn’t all have to be panpipe music, weeks of not touching each other or being super spiritual, this is something we can all fit into our sex lives. Just remember to relax, experiment and find your own version of tantric sex. These aren’t rules you have to follow – just slow down and have fun!

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