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Madam Storm’s Guide to Fetishes and BDSM

Madam Storm is the founder of the famous Strut Masterclasses which aims to empower women to own their space, inspiring them to gain social and sexual confidence through a practical programme of self-belief and outward presentation.

She is also a renowned professional dominatrix and, through her Mistress Training and Art of Seduction programmes, teaches the beauty of playing both dominant and submissive roles and how to use practical toys and equipment to enhance pleasurable experience in a mature and fun way. We asked her to share some insight around fetishes and BDSM with us and this is what she told us

It’s a great pleasure to be introducing Ann Summers guide to fetishes and BDSM.

It gives me the opportunity to share my thoughts on a number of things, like what does it all mean? What’s a fetish and what’s not? Is kink ‘normal’?


Definition: Anything you find arousing outside the usual erotic stimuli

I always find it so surprising when people say “Really? That’s a fetish?” It might be an object; a toy; a part of the body or an activity. Anything can be a fetish except those parts of the body that nature intended to attract a partner for sex. Feet are a fetish; breasts are not! For example, I’ve had a client who has a fetish for jeans. The sound and sight of them turn him on. Can you imagine his day just walking around?

In my experience, fetishes are so commonplace, I’ve yet to meet someone who hasn’t got one or several – an erotic part of the body, a leather jacket, the thought of being spanked. So it’s perfectly normal to have a fetish – it doesn’t mean there’s anything ‘wrong’ with you – and indeed they add so much to love-making. But what if you have a secret fetish that you’ve never discussed with your partner? Why have you not? Usually, it’s a fear that they might not share it, or understand it, or approve of it. Communication is absolutely critical, although getting this conversation started can be difficult.

There are ways of starting the conversation without talking. For example: you might fantasise about spanking, but your partner has never made any move in that direction. Ok – have a look at the Faux Fur Paddle (one of my favourite selected products). Have it by the bed, use the fur side to stroke them. Believe me, it will soon be a shared experience leading to the conversation about where you would like things to go.

  1. So, speak to your partner and lover about what BDSM is. BDSM has such a big range, it’s important that you explain what it is that you particularly desire.
  2. BDSM

    Definition: BDSM is a collection of activities, and just because you’re into one doesn’t necessarily mean you’re into all of them. Remember all of these things are done with consent:

    Bondage: Restraining or being restrained for erotic stimulation Discipline/Dominance: Where the dominant sets rules and might administer ‘punishments’ to the submissive

    Submission: Surrendering to the wishes of the dominant

    Sadomasochism: Giving or receiving of pleasure as a result of pain or humiliation

  3. Take your time. Don’t just jump straight in with the full works – build up slowly. Your partner needs to be given time and space to explore all the aspects you will enjoy together. It’s important to go at a pace that suits you both and makes your partner feel comfortable.
  4. Have fun exploring this aspect of your relationship. Visit Ann Summers together, for example. Explore the range of erotic underwear and bondage products. This is great for bonding. It’s a chance to be a kid in the sweet shop and it’s guaranteed to be a total turn-on.

If you have been unsure in the past, and kept your fantasies to yourself, I hope I’ve gone some way to setting your mind at rest. You have a fantasy? You can bet your partner has them too. Get talking about them and action will swiftly follow.

Remember, the key thing here is consent, and just because you or your partner were happy for something to happen last time, it doesn’t mean that they want to do it next time. So check in – make sure you both understand the boundaries and feel safe in what you’re about to do.

One last thing: if your fetishes move in the direction of bondage or physical stimulation – whips, etc – it is vital to introduce a safe word! A safe word is what we use when play is going beyond giving pleasure and we want to tell the other person to stop. The safe word’s a way of communicating without breaking play. Never, never ignore the safe word.

Fantasies and fetishes are normal and an essential part of a healthy relationship. Communicate yours to your partner and have them tell you theirs. Don’t be afraid or ashamed of what turns you on and be open minded about your lover’s fetishes. Your love life will be all the better for it.