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How to Have a Threesome

So, you’re thinking about a threesome? Great news – threesomes can be super rewarding and a great way to explore with your partner. However, if you and your partner are thinking about introducing an additional person, there are a number of things you should consider first. From planning a threesome to what to do when the three of you are between the sheets, our guide tells you everything you need to know to have a thrilling three-way.

What is a Threesome?

While the dictionary definition is ‘a group of three persons or things’, we imagine you’re here for the slightly sexier version of a threesome. Simply put, a threesome is three people having sex with each other. Often, this can be a couple introducing a third person into the bedroom, although threesomes between single people definitely can and do occur. There are no set rules – threesomes can be any combination of genders, and any number of sex acts, from oral and stroking through to vaginal or anal sex.

How to Prepare for a Threesome

Despite the sexy experience and physical reward, adding a third player can be an emotional minefield. If you’re considering arranging a threesome for you and a partner, make sure you think about the below considerations to ensure you have a safe and satisfying menage a trois.

How to Tell Your Partner You Want a Threesome

First things first; how do you pop the question?! Answer – very gently! It can be difficult to predict how someone will react to the suggestion of bringing a third party into the bedroom, so try to gauge your partner's feelings about threesomes before rushing in and trying to make plans.

As with anything sex related, an open discussion is a must. Bring up the topic of threesomes when you’re both comfortable and can talk freely. Ask your partner if they’ve ever had a threesome in the past or if they would ever consider one in the future, rather than diving in straight away asking them to have one with you. Start slowly and carefully and then, based on their levels of enthusiasm, you can gradually express your interest in organising a threesome together.

Will a Threesome Impact Your Current Relationship?

You should never have a threesome unless you’re both sure that it’s something that you want to do. If your partner isn’t sold, talking or pressuring them into introducing someone new is a recipe for disaster, so make sure it’s something that you both want in equal measure.

Jealousy is something you really need to take into consideration before introducing a third player to the bedroom. Not everyone is comfortable with sharing their partner, so take all possibilities into account. You may both be comfortable with the situation in principle, but what would you do if you or your partner became uncomfortable during the session? Cover off all the possibilities to ensure it all doesn’t go pear-shaped when you get down to it.

How Will You Agree On The Third Player?

Finding a third member that you’re both attracted to and who is attracted to you both may be harder than anticipated. Agree together on who your new partner should be, talk about every detail – what will their gender be, and their sexuality?

One of the most common queries around threesomes is ‘how to find people for a threesome’. So where will you find the new lover? If you’re going online, make sure you do this activity together. Take extra precautions when meeting people online – make sure they’re who they say they are, set very clear boundaries and meet in a public place first to make sure you’re all happy with the arrangement.

If you’re going to be sleeping with someone you already know, think hard about how you’ll feel when you see them again. Discuss whether this is a one-off or if there is scope for it to happen again. Laying all this out before you begin your journey makes for less tension and bumps along the way.

Set Expectations and Boundaries

Threesomes work differently for every couple – some will want their partner to focus their attention on their existing relationships, others get off on watching their significant other sleeping with someone else.

Be VERY clear on what you consider to be okay and what isn’t. Create a tick list and go through it together – would you want your partner to kiss the third player? Would you want your partner to have full intercourse with the third player? Talk about positions and scenarios and be sure to communicate these with your new partner before the threesome takes place. You should also set up a safe word, so anyone involved can opt-out if they feel uncomfortable. And most importantly, if either you or your partner want to stop at any point, everyone should stop.

By establishing some really firm and clear boundaries you’re more likely to have a safe and enjoyable threesome.

Be Prepared With Protection

Although you may not use protection with a long-term partner, it is important to think about it before introducing someone new. Have a frank discussion about sexual health with any new partners to make sure you’re all being safe.

If you’re using condoms and planning penetration with multiple partners, be sure to change or remove the condom before switching partner.

If you’re playing with toys together, these all need to be wrapped too in order to keep everyone safe. Think carefully about every eventuality and be sure to have everything you need to have safe sex.

Decide Where Your Threesome Will Take Place

You know who, you know how, but you need to establish where.

If you’re not comfortable bringing someone new to your home or your bed, you may want to opt for a hotel room to separate the act from your everyday sex life and scene. Decide before you do the deed and make sure your plans are clearly communicated to everyone involved.

How Does a Threesome Work?

So, you’re all prepared and getting down to the big event. Now what?

Threesomes work differently for different people, so there are no set rules on how they should work for you. Play around with stroking, oral and penetration, and just go with whatever feels good at the time. Pay attention to body language and use subtle motions to direct your partners however you like. While manoeuvring three people can feel tricky and a little awkward at first, if you just have fun with it and laugh through any initial clumsiness, you’ll soon embrace the moment and all the pleasure it can bring.

The most important thing is to keep everyone involved – if it starts to feel like one person is being left out, just reach over and play with them to bring them back into the action.

It’s often recommended that the final orgasm of the session happens between the original couple.

Climaxing together, without the involvement of the third party helps you to feel that the experience was more about the two of you. This also helps you to soothe any feelings of jealousy which may be bubbling by reassuring your partner that you’re truly turned on by them and them alone.

What to Do After a Threesome

The time after a threesome is of the utmost importance. Most importantly, establish with your partner and the third person how you expect things to go once you’re finished. Is a sleepover on the cards, or would you rather the third person left immediately? Make this clear before you start, so you don’t have any awkward conversions afterwards.

Make sure you take time to speak with your partner and be affectionate. Re-assure your partner of how special they are to you while discussing what went on.

Have an open discussion about things you both enjoyed, or didn’t enjoy, and voice any feelings you have. If you’re feeling any jealousy or anxiety, speak about this rather than dwelling on it. As with any sexual activity, the most important thing is communication. Being clear with each other about what you like and how you feel is the best way to turn each other on and enjoy your time between the sheets.

Threesomes can be ultra rewarding and a great thing to tick off your sexual bucket list. Just keep it safe, sexy, consensual and well-considered, and everyone involved can enjoy the experience of their dreams.